One of the hardest things every leader needs to learn to master is how to say no. Not ‘I’m not sure,’ or ‘Maybe-perhaps,’ or ‘I’ll see what I can do.’ A hard sounding stop is sometimes called for. If not, the open end continues the conversation or postpones it. No. I’m not saying there is a need to be rude or harsh. I am saying there are times when you need to be firm and assertive.

I have often found emerging leaders are often trying to please everybody. They are new to the job. They want to make a great impression, so they don’t want to disappoint whenever there may be a call to action. They have insight that their hard work has helped them achieve this new position, so they want to continue in that same vein. Afterall, it has resulted in success before. They make themselves always available, always say yes, and try to lead by example. Saying yes to everything can lead to an overwhelming sense of being buried by a giant pile of work; and, at worst case scenario, burnout.

When you say yes to everything, you leave little room for yourself to do the things that are important.

Saying yes to everything will place you on too many committees and attending too many social and networking events. Before you know it, your 40-to-50-hour work week is now a 70-to-80-hour work week. You begin to feel frayed, tired and exhausted. You have no time to elevate your leadership—time you could have spent thinking, investing in the strategic priorities of the organization or investing in training for yourself. Your time can move your career in the direction you want it to go when you spend it with care.

I was recently working with a client who was feeling disappointed in themselves. They were apologetic that they were unable to do coaching homework that had been assigned. When we dug into what the barrier was, we found that they had no opportunity to do it in their jam-packed week. My client was doing what many high performers do when they get a new opportunity. They were going full-steam ahead, intent on making an amazing first impression. They were saying yes to far too many things. They did not want to say no because they didn’t want to disappoint.

Many emerging leaders feel a sense of guilt when saying no to incoming requests.

At the start of a new position, it is critical to learn how to set boundaries that protect time for the tasks within the scope of the new role. ‘Getting to no’ should not increase anxiety, shame or guilt in us. ‘Getting to no’ should give us a sense of relief. When we are clear in our priorities and leave space for ourselves to grow and regularly attend to the practices that promote our optimum functioning, we become a high performer.

A few key questions to consider in ‘Getting to no’:

1. How do you know when to say no?

It’s quite simple, really. If you find yourself answering a request with: ‘I’ll try,’ ‘I’ll see what I can do,’ or ‘maybe’, recognize that you are committing in a waffly, wishy-washy way. Stop yourself right there. Say, ‘no.’ ‘I cannot do it.’  ‘I’m over-committed.’ Let go of the guilt and move forward.

2. How do you know which things are the right thing to say no to?

Know your Clarity of Purpose. Take the time to imagine your goals and vision. Articulate where you want to be five years from now. The meetings and events you say ‘yes’ to should directly align with your Clarity of Purpose and your well thought out goals and vision.

3. How do I say no when I have trouble speaking the words?

Saying no to things is hard at first. If you equate saying no to disappointing everyone around you, it can be stressful and anxiety provoking. Let go of that guilt. You are not responsible for others’ feelings. Take time to practice saying no.

Find a go-to statement that is yours, like:

• I’m sorry, I’m just overcommitted right now, I just can’t take that on.
• Thank you for thinking of me. I am afraid that I must decline as my schedule is quite full.
• I’m going to have to decline this invitation to focus on other priorities.

Getting to no is hard enough for emerging leaders. Saying it clearly prevents having to say it time and time again. However you decide to say no, take a lesson from Jack Dutton. Say no in a way that is the death of the question, so it leaves no room for folks to keep coming back at you.