We’ve all had that moment.

You’re in front of your team — the tension’s high, the stakes are higher — and, then it happens. The unfiltered, unpolished, unprofessional F-bomb escapes your lips. The room goes silent. Eyes dart. You can feel the energy shift.

You wish you could rewind the last seconds of your life, but you can’t.

I’m not proud to say that I had one of these moments recently. I honestly still struggle to believe the words that came out of my mouth. I was shook.

Welcome to leadership — where your humanity is on full display.

The Myth of the Perfect Leader

Somewhere along the line, many of us bought into the idea that leaders must be flawless — calm under pressure, eloquent in crisis, always in control. That’s not leadership. That’s performance art.

When I lost my cool, my team and I were in a real predicament, and they witnessed me feel it in a raw way.

Real leadership isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence.

You’re human. You get tired and frustrated and overwhelmed. You misjudge the tone, lose patience, or — yes — let the occasional F-bomb fly. What defines your leadership isn’t that it happened. It’s what happens next.

Step 1: Own It — Fast

Don’t dance around it. Don’t blame the stress or the situation. Don’t make a joke to deflect. Just say it: “Team, I lost my cool back there. That’s not the example I want to set. I owe you an apology.” That’s exactly what I did. It wasn’t as easy as it sounds. My shame likely showed on my face. It was a vulnerable moment.

When you name your mistake, you strip it of its power. Research from Brené Brown and others on vulnerability in leadership shows that owning your missteps builds, rather than breaks, trust — when it’s genuine.

The people who follow you aren’t expecting perfection. They’re watching to see if your values are real.

Step 2: Repair the Moment

If you dropped the ball in public, apologize in public. Accountability should match the visibility of the mistake.

Then, take a moment to reframe: “Here’s what I should have done differently, and here’s what I’ll do next time.” At our next meeting, I opened up with that message, and I decided to offer myself a punishment: a personal financial donation to the team’s training fund.

By pairing apology with action, you model emotional regulation and growth. You’re showing your team what it means to recover, not just react.

Step 3: Reconnect

After the dust settles, reach out — one-on-one — to those who may have been most affected. This isn’t about damage control. It’s about relationship repair.

Ask:

“How did that moment land with you?”
“Did I make you feel uncomfortable or disrespected?”

In my situation, I had especially called out one individual in my reactivity. I reached out to that person privately to check in. I wasn’t assured of their grace. It took fortitude to ask, partly because of how much I value this person on our team, partly because I was afraid the relationship was permanently damaged. I had imagined how they might have received my outburst. My guesses weren’t good.

Fortunately, it wasn’t someone new to the team, so there were deposits in our relationship bank that helped them take my angry words for the emotional response to the situation that it was rather than as a personal attack.

Listening without defensiveness signals humility. It tells your team you care more about them than your own pride.

Step 4: Learn the Trigger

Every blow-up has a backstory. What were the conditions leading up to yours? Fatigue, frustration, or feeling unheard? Maybe something personal was brewing at home that you should have taken a day for. Maybe you’re a little under the weather and should have postponed that meeting. It’s important to figure your triggers out.

Use that data. Track your stress patterns like you would your team’s performance. Awareness gives you choice, and choice gives you control.

For me, I know that I hate losing. It’s just part of my competitive DNA. I need to keep to myself for a beat or two after any loss to compose myself before I address my team. That flood of emotional hormone needs to roll through my body and recede so that I can deliver a message that is intentional and productive for the team. Others that don’t know me as well as I know myself, encouraged me to address the group right away. I let them convince me when I knew better. I won’t make that mistake again. 

Peak-performance coach Tony Schwartz calls this energy management: knowing what fuels you and what drains you.

Great leaders aren’t immune to stress. They just manage it before it manages them.

Final Thought: Leadership Is a Contact Sport

Leadership isn’t clean. It’s messy. It’s human. You will stumble. You will say the wrong thing. You will occasionally have your own ‘F-bomb moment.’ When you lead with humility, courage, and a willingness to learn out loud, your team won’t remember the slip.

They’ll remember how you stood back up.