I’ve built much of my career preaching confidence. Confidence is my jam. I’ve stood on countless stages declaring that confidence is that unwavering belief in yourself—that genuine conviction you can do anything. It’s the magic that gets you up after failure, that fuels you when others doubt you, that lets you shoot your shot when everything in you whispers to play it safe.

Here’s the catch nobody tells you: sometimes confidence can get in your way.

Not when you’re weak. Not when you’re doubting yourself. Ironically, it’s when you’re at your strongest. Confidence can quietly harden into resistance, especially when it comes to feedback about your strengths.

Think about it. If someone points out a gap you already know exists—say, public speaking or financial planning—you’re more likely to nod along, take notes and maybe even sign up for a class. If someone suggests you could improve in the very area you’ve built your identity around: "Ooooh," now the defenses go up. Suddenly, feedback feels like an attack, not a gift.

My “Expert” Blind Spot

Let me tell you a story. By the time I was 35, I was the leadership expert on my campus. That was my brand--my thing. People called me in to talk about culture, mindset and confidence. Then along came a young coach—a former professional player who was brilliant on the field and, to my horror, also brilliant off it.

I watched him transform a team with only one win into a Final Four contender in less than four years: Elite Eight, national rankings, the whole deal. (Love you, Coach Sherry 😊)

I learned a ton from him—on the field. I studied his drills and his tactical approach. I was willing to borrow his best ideas when it came to coaching soccer.

When it came to the leadership stuff, I dug in my heels. After all, that was my territory--my turf. I was the 'expert.' I wasn’t about to take advice from him about culture-building or team leadership. I told myself, "That’s my domain."

Looking back, it wasn’t confidence anymore. It was hubris. 

Here’s the truth that stings: my unwillingness slowed my own growth.

Why Success Can Trap You

It’s not just me. I see this pattern all the time with mid-career coaches and leaders. They’ve had some success, maybe even a lot of it. They know what they’re good at. They’ve built systems, habits and reputations on those strengths. As a result, they cling to them like life rafts.

The problem is, when success cements into certainty, it can block curiosity. The very traits that made you successful—confidence, boldness, decisiveness—start to calcify. You’re less open to challenge, less receptive to new voices, and less willing to experiment.

That’s not just anecdotal. Research backs it up. Carol Dweck, famous for her work on growth mindset, found that experienced professionals often unconsciously slip into a fixed mindset once they’ve built their reputations. They stop asking, “What can I learn?” and start protecting, “What do I already know?”

Another study in the Harvard Business Review showed that leaders who scored high on confidence but low on humility had significantly lower team engagement and innovation. Their teams respected their decisiveness but felt suffocated by their unwillingness to listen.

In short: confidence without humility isn’t strength. It’s stubbornness in a better suit.

The Ego Problem

Congratulations, if you've already achieved your initial lofty goals!  That's amazing!  Now what? If you've been resting on your past success and working off the same playbook for a few years, the questions become: Are you getting the results you want? Is your team is stagnating? Has your career has plateaued? Can you dream even bigger? What’s stopping you?

Is it lack of knowledge? Probably not. Is it lack of work ethic? Unlikely. More often, it’s the invisible weight of ego, hubris, or pride.

Surprisingly, as our view comes from further up, we sometimes can’t see the forest because we’re too busy admiring the trees we planted years ago.

How to Keep Confidence from Trapping You

So how do we keep confidence as a superpower instead of letting it become our Achilles’ heel?

Here are three strategies I’ve found helpful:

Treat Feedback as Data, Not Judgment

When someone offers you feedback—especially in areas you think you’ve mastered—don’t hear it as an indictment. Hear it as information, data or inputs. The same way you’d check your GPS on a road trip, check what's happening on your route right now, even though you 'know the way.'

Ask for Advice in Your Strengths, Not Just Weaknesses

It’s easy to choose one area of weakness to seek feedback for and, for example, ask, “How can I improve my time management?” It’s harder (and braver) to ask, “You’ve seen me lead—what would make me even better?” Invite people into your strengths, and you’ll uncover blind spots you didn’t even know existed.

Remember that Confidence and Humility Are Teammates

Confidence says, "I can do this."
Humility says, "But maybe I can do it even better if I listen."
Together, they create what researchers call 'confident humility'—a paradox that leads to higher trust, innovation and resilience.

A Final Word

Confidence will always be my jam. It’s the thing that changes lives; but, let’s not confuse confidence with arrogance. One propels you forward; the other chains you to the past.

So, if you’re reading this and you feel stuck—if your results aren’t matching your ambitions—pause and ask: What am I unwilling to hear right now?

When I got past my ego, and chose to really observe and try on a few team leadership strategies from Coach Sherry, it led to a breakthough. My team went from consistent Conference Champions to the National stage.

Maybe the breakthrough you’re searching for isn’t in working harder or being more consistent. Maybe it’s in listening more deeply. 

Confidence got you this far. Humility might take you the rest of the way.