What Does it Cost You to be Right?
Nov 12, 2024
Not long ago, I caught myself in one of those arguments. You know the type—the one where you’re absolutely certain you’re right, and you’re willing to go toe-to-toe with anyone who dares suggest otherwise. I was locked in, convinced that I was the keeper of truth, justice and the one right answer. Honestly, I didn’t care if it strained the relationship or if the other person’s face was turning a shade of red usually reserved for sunsets.
I WAS RIGHT.
Don't get me wrong. The urge to be right is universal. Who doesn’t want to win? But, here’s the thing: we rarely pause to consider the hidden costs of always needing to prove we’re right. It turns out that our need for ‘rightness’ can erode our relationships, credibility, career growth and personal well-being. As I’ve learned (the hard way), sometimes the best way to lead is by letting go of ‘right’ altogether.
The Relationship Toll
Let’s talk about relationships. Whether it's with a partner, friend or co-worker, the cost of being ‘right’ can be higher than you think. When we argue solely to prove our point, we risk making others feel small. Over time, we lose trust and respect—two things any healthy relationship needs to survive.
Imagine it this way: if every conversation were a boxing match, how long would people keep stepping into the ring with you before they just… stopped showing up? Relationships shouldn’t be competitions. When we choose to be right instead of understanding, we lose the chance to connect and learn from each other. At the end of the day, connection is what makes us better leaders—and better people.
Workplace Conflicts and Team Dynamics
Picture this in the workplace. When we’re too attached to our own viewpoint, it creates tension. People become hesitant to share their ideas, creativity gets stifled, and collaboration turns into conflict. In a team, that’s a fast track to a toxic work environment.
Take a page from Google’s former Head of People Operations, Laszlo Bock. Early in his career, Bock discovered that his need to always be the smartest guy in the room was actually isolating him from his colleagues. His rightness was costing him trust. He shifted gears, focused on listening, and built a collaborative culture at Google that became legendary. Leaders who can set aside their ego find that the power of collective thinking is far greater than the satisfaction of being right.
Risks to Job Security and Career Progression
Here’s where it gets real: having a reputation for always needing to be right can stall your career progression. When we’re seen as rigid or unapproachable, opportunities dry up. While confidence and knowledge are essential in leadership, overdoing it can alienate us from the people who hold the keys to our growth.
The lesson: Flexibility and humility are far more attractive qualities in a leader. Show people you’re open to feedback, willing to listen, and suddenly, you become someone others want to promote, work alongside and support. After all, nobody wants to promote a ‘know-it-all’ into leadership—people want to promote those who lift others up.
Personal Well-being and Internal Costs
Now, let’s talk about what this does to you. If you are constantly fighting to be right, it’s exhausting. It drains your energy, stresses you out and can lead to burnout. Worse, it can leave you feeling isolated—because people eventually get tired of arguing with you and will avoid engaging at all.
Practicing humility doesn’t mean compromising on your standards or ignoring your principles. It means building resilience through openness. One little technique I love is asking myself, “Does being right really serve the bigger purpose here?” Most of the time, the answer is a resounding “No.” When I let go of being right, I find it not only improves my well-being but makes me a more effective, empathetic leader.
Leading Beyond 'Right'
So, what would happen if we stopped needing to be right and started focusing on understanding? Imagine the culture we could build—a team where people feel heard, valued and empowered. A team where ideas flow freely, and people feel safe to innovate without fear of being shut down.
The next time you feel the need to argue your point to the bitter end, take a step back and ask yourself, “What will this cost me?” Remember, the most effective leaders know that collaboration, humility and empathy are worth more than a fleeting moment of ‘rightness.’
As a wise leader once said, “Sometimes, the best way forward is to let go of being right and let others step into their brilliance.”