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Here's to a Happier Holiday!

#confidence #focus #holidays2024 #mindsetmatters #selfconfidence Dec 17, 2024
Ivan carrying a fresh fir tree with his family.

Believe it or not, as joyous and jubilant as the holidays can be for some individuals, they can also be equally devastating and debilitating on one’s confidence. This might not make sense for some of our readers, but it is a clanging bell for many of you.

Some of us are greeted with warmth, tenderness and an embrace of unconditional acceptance around the table, but the table isn’t safe for everyone. Many of us have that toxic relation that is constantly digging at us--nuanced and subtly. The eye roll at the potluck dish you brought. The comment, “I can’t believe you’re at another new job,” or, “I can’t believe you are in a new relationship.” It could also be the doting grandma or distant brother-in-law that just doesn’t know how hurtful their words are: “Did you hear that your cousin is expecting another baby?” or “Did you see that your classmate just bought a new cottage?” Conversations around the dinner table tend to tear us down when they are pokes and jabs or foster doubt in us because of our lack of progress towards our goals. Others can lead us to compare ourselves unfavorably and sometimes leave us feeling inadequate around the holidays.

It's really important to protect your confidence around the holidays from the people who are supposed to love you the most, but who can also be the hardest on you because they think that is the way to love you best.

Here are a few tips that I’ve practiced and recommended over the years.

 

They have helped me protect my self-confidence and left me space so that I don’t escalate into conflict and blow up the holidays for everyone in attendance.  #AWKWARD

 

  1. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries—set time limits for your visits. Thirty to forty five minutes is my standard allocation.
  2. Pay attention to when you are starting to get irritated, and remove yourself from the conversation with your automatic break message: “Sorry, I’ve got to go to the restroom,” or “I hear my phone ringing. I’ve got to take this,” or “I should really go check on the kids.”
  3. Get away from the people who tear you down. Don’t engage in the conversation. Don’t sit next to you-know-who at dinner. Avoid the seat next to and across from them. It’s hard to converse with be distracted by someone two down on the same side of the table as yourself.
  4. Say, “No,” to guilt. You don’t actually have to attend every function; give a certain gift; or, stay until the end. You are responsible for your own health and wellbeing. Protect yourself, and cherish the holiday spirit.

 

Holidays aren’t the time to solve family dynamics.

 

Let’s be honest. You’re never going to win an argument with that relative with a narcissistic personality who just doesn’t see the impact of their actions and words. I want to remind you that you can only be you. That means be happy with your choices, and focus on letting your behaviors be consistent with your principles and values.

While we all wish it could be different, in family, we all get what we get. Loving them unconditionally doesn’t mean you have to accept bad behavior and have your hard-won confidence eroded. Stay strong, and keep your affirmations handy. Remind yourself that you are a good person who has accomplished a lot.

 

You are worthy and loved!!

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