For the past five weeks, I have been in Iowa serving as a high-performance soccer consultant at my alma mater. The program has experienced a dip the last few years, and I have been invited by the head coach to help return them to their winning ways. It’s been a great experience to be back in the coaching saddle again, and the team has made some significant progress in a few short weeks.

One of the most challenging tasks for the staff (including myself) and our players to come to terms with is recognizing the delicate balance between being gritty to stay the course and knowing when it's time to let go.

While grit can drive progress and success, clinging to opportunities that are not meant to be can drain your mental and physical health.

Here is the million-dollar question:

‘How do you know when you are hanging on to false hope and empty promises?'

When aren’t you reading the tea leaves and listening to the meta messages or cues that say there is no place for you?’

If you are a leader reading this post, the question is:

‘Why are we making it so difficult for people to hear that there is no opportunity for them here?'

Why are we not being brutally honest, so folks don’t linger around and become dissatisfied instead of helping to move them along to their greatness?

Should I stay or should I go?

Pay attention to your mental and physical health. Look for disruptions in your normal routines. How are your sleep patterns?  How are your eating habits? How is your stress and anxiety? Have you become more irritable? Are you finding yourself browsing the internet looking for the next opportunity? Are you stifling your voice and leaving the tough problems for someone else to solve?

Leadership often involves navigating through ambiguity and uncertainty. Pay attention to the message between the lines and learn to decode the messages your environment is sending. Evaluate the feedback you're receiving from your team, peers and superiors. Are they indicating a genuine opportunity for growth and progress, or are they subtly hinting at the need for a course correction? Trust your intuition. If the canary isn’t singing anymore, it’s time to stop and pay attention as opposed to keep moving forward. If something feels off despite external encouragement, it's worth exploring further.

If you are persisting because you want the next opportunity, ask the leader if they see your ambitions and desires as the next logical progression in your leadership development.

If you want more responsibly and training, ask for the opportunities.

Your gut instincts can offer valuable insights in the absence of data. Ask for what you want. Be persistent until you have clarity. Unfortunately, many bosses believe they are being ‘nice’ by encouraging you, leaving you to read between the lines or withholding hard truths. If at the end of the meeting, there is still ambiguity and uncertainty – then the answer should be clear to you.

Move on towards your greatness.

Once you've assessed your mental and physical well-being, interpreted the signals from your environment and have had the straight-up conversation with your leader, it's time to act.

There may be a time when you are anxious, but your skin isn’t peeling and your boss is telling you to hold on because they see a place for you. Grit is warranted. Devise a strategic plan with achievable milestones to propel you forward. However, if you have noticed serious physical tells like loss of appetite or insomnia and your boss is hedging at best, the signs point towards letting go. Embrace it with grace. Understand that relinquishing one opportunity opens doors to others that align more closely with your vision and values. Start tuning your resume and networking to find that door.

I once had a coordinator who worked for me who was excellent at their job. They did all the right things, worked hard and were really making a difference in our organization. As they were finishing up a doctoral program, they were ready for a promotion and wanted a bigger role as a manager in the organization. From my side of the desk, the challenge was they were leading a team of 1. It just didn’t make sense to regrade the position. There was no opportunity for this person to achieve that goal here. It was a hard conversation for them to hear. It was hard for me, too, because I hate to not deliver for our people. In the end I lost a loyal, trusted employee. They felt like I didn’t value them when the answer was ‘no.’ The opposite couldn’t be more true. By encouraging that employee to move on to find a greater role, that employee went from manager to VP within 5 years! 

My message to you is this: whether you stay or whether you go, is a testament to alignment of your gifts, preparation and opportunities—not a signal that you are disliked, or no good, or never going to make it.

Grit can look like pushing off bravely into the next lap of your career. Grit can also look like accepting advice, practicing patience and waiting your turn. It can look like both at different moments of your journey.

Good luck to all of you in your pursuit of excellence.