Let’s be real. Grit isn’t fun.

It’s not glamorous. It sure as heck isn’t comfortable, but if you want to achieve your greatness you’ll have to embrace discomfort.

I see it every day. Whether I am working with a university soccer team, an executive coaching client, or a company that is redefining roles and pushing leaders beyond what they thought was possible, the typical knee jerk reaction is the same:  Resistance.

Folks who have early success because of their natural talent and skill can run into a roadblock when a new leader comes in and challenges them to raise the bar by doling out some critical feedback. These are the same folks who have become accustomed to praise, so challenge is often met with a feeling of resistance and defensiveness. The problem is that when we get defensive, we tend to withdraw and spiral. 

Cue the inner monologue here:

“Coach doesn’t like me.”
“I’m not part of the inside circle.”
“Boss doesn’t think I’m good enough.”

This is a natural first response, but a dangerous place to linger for a high performer, especially in a culture that isn’t high performing because you will attract like-minded folks who will validate your inner negativity and cause you to get stuck in this cycle of negativity and complacence.

When I am coaching at the university and national team level, it’s not unusual for me deliver critical feedback. At the same time, it's natural for high performers to want more--more opportunities for playing time or different roles than we can accommodate.

Sometimes the feedback is difficult to hear:

"You haven’t demonstrated that you’re ready for this.”

Predictably, this can be a source of frustration for folks who have always achieved their goals and been high performers. Anger, denial, frustration and a strong urge to quit can overwhelm anyone at times like this; but, it's these moments that separate those who will rise from those who will stay stagnant.

Grit isn’t about asking once and getting what you want. It’s about taking feedback, no matter how uncomfortable, and using it to get better.

Why Grit and Resilience Matter More Than Talent

Angela Duckworth, the psychologist who literally wrote the book on Grit, found in her research that talent is overrated. Grit—passion and perseverance for long-term goals—is a bigger predictor of success than intelligence, social skills or even raw ability. Her studies of West Point cadets, National Spelling Bee competitors, and corporate executives all pointed to the same conclusion: Those who succeed are not necessarily the most talented. They’re the ones who persist when things get tough.

This holds true in sports, business and life. A high-performance culture isn’t built on comfort; it’s built on resilience. Grit is the ability to push through discomfort, take feedback, adapt and keep moving forward. Grit is what separates champions from the rest.

Grit Isn’t About Blind Persistence—It’s About Smart Adjustments

There’s a misconception that grit means ‘never giving up.’ That’s not entirely true. Grit is about making adjustments while staying committed to your goals. It’s about knowing when to push harder and when to pivot.

If you feel like you’re doing everything right but not getting recognized, don’t just keep your head down and hope for the best. Make noise. Show your receipts. If your leader isn’t seeing your hard work, make them see it.

It’s your job to tell your story!

At the same time, be open to feedback. A good leader won’t always protect your feelings. If I sugar-coat everything, I do my players a disservice. Clarity is kindness. It’s my job to be direct, and it’s their job to listen, adjust and persist.

How to Build Grit in the People You Lead

1. Set the Bar High—and Hold the Line
   People rise to expectations. If you demand excellence, they’ll stretch to meet it. If you lower the bar to keep them comfortable, they’ll stagnate.
2. Give Direct, Honest Feedback
   Tough conversations aren’t fun, but they’re necessary. Sugar-coating dilutes the message. Be clear about where they stand and what they need to improve.
3. Encourage Ownership
   If someone wants more responsibility, make them earn it. Don’t hand out leadership roles—challenge them to prove they belong.
4. Praise Effort, Not Just Outcomes
   Reward persistence, adaptation and learning. Celebrate growth, not just wins.
5. Model Grit Yourself
   If you crumble under pressure, so will they. Show resilience in your own challenges, and they’ll follow your lead.

Building grit is uncomfortable, but discomfort is where growth happens.

The people who achieve greatness aren’t the ones who coast through life avoiding hardship. They’re the ones who take feedback; push through frustration; and, keep showing up. Feedback isn’t a rejection. Feedback is an invitation to improve. If you want to lead a high-performance team—or simply raise resilient, capable humans—stop protecting them from discomfort. Push them. Challenge them. Make them prove themselves; and, when they rise to the occasion, they’ll thank you for it and be able to savor that feeling of accomplishment and genuine pride.